Squenix: Twist of reality
by masdalgred
Summary: what happens when a whole load of insane video game characters who share only a hate of Geno come together? Ape #@t, that's what. rated T for violence and wierd, brain-bending logic. 1 new chapter every day!
1. Chapter 1

**Squenix: War of the Third-Parties**

"Kill the dog!" Ninten exclaimed. His friend Roy attempted to do just that, but the dog spun around, quick as lightning, and bit Roy's nose off. This distressed the ace gang (which consisted of our two heroes, a loveable emo named Shadow, and Ridley the evil purple space dragon), as Roy fainted at the sight of blood, and now great quantities of it were pouring from he hole in his face. "Kill the dog!" Ninten repeated. "Reeaaarrrr!!!" Ridley quipped in, and shot a death beam at a passing Cloud. The Cloud fell from the sky and informed our heroes of his quest. "I'm looking for an incredibly lame third-party character named Geno. He thinks he actually has a chance of being in brawl, and I need to find him and set him straight."

"He has a better chance than you, swordy boy." commented a passing Mario RPG fanboy.

"Silence!!!" screamed The Cloud, and shot flaming FFVII Fans from his eyes.

"Nay! 'Tis my quest to slay the vile puppety-thing with no moveset potential!" yelled Sora the Unlocker, crawling out from beneath a rock.

"No! Me!" screamed Dante, who seemed to appear from nowhere in a haze of emo-blood. "Dude, what the hell? You're not even a Squenix character!" inquired Cloud.

"No, but I am Hard-ass!" Dante replied with an emo hair-flicky thing. "It would seem there is only one way to settle this…" said Geno, dropping from the sky, "A team Super Smash Bros. tournament! BTW, I pick Roy for my team! Bwahaha!" and he flew cackling into the sky (little did he know that Roy had died of blood-loss a few minutes earlier).

Within three days, eight teams had assembled, The Emos (Dante, Shadow and Pichu), The Links (Fierce Deity Link, Wind Waker Link, Oracle of Seasons link), Team Geno (Geno, Godzilla, Roy's slowly decaying corpse), Battle Stadium PMK (Paint-Roller the Awesome, Meta-Knight the Okay-ish and King Dedede the Meh), Bomberman and the Guys (Bomberman, a square of cardboard and a stalk of corn (Bomberman just wants to be loved!)), The Kings (King Bowser, King K.Rool and King Dedede again),the Kick-Ass Super-Awesome Death Squad (Jigglypuff, a red pikmin and Ninten), yet more emos (Ganondorf, Eggplant Man, Lucario ("Kill the dog!")) and RSSC (Really Sucky Squenix Characters)(Sora and two small slimy things).

Let the games begin…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Let's see how our teams are doing, shall we?_

_The Emos_

"I hate life!" Dante cried, slitting his wrists.

"Me too!" Shadow agreed, slitting his wrists as well.

"Picu!!!" Pichu added, setting fire to himself.

Okay… Well, one team down, seven to go.

_Team Geno_

"Righto gang, let's find something to kill!" Geno exclaimed joyously.

"Reeeaaarggg!!!" Godzilla replied, and flew off into the heavens. "Well Roy… At least we still have each other!"

Roy, of course, did not reply because he was dead.

_Battle Stadium PMK_

"I am awesome!" Paint-Roller yelled.

"I am okay!" Meta-Knight screamed.

"I am meh…" Dedede sobbed, and bashed his head against a rock.

_Bomberman and the Guys_

"Why does no-one love me?!?"

_Team Kings…_ "Hold on a minute!" Dedede yelled from within the pages of this story. "Just give me a sec to get ready!" fillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfillerfiller… "Okay, I'm done!"

_As I was saying, Team Kings…_

"Let's kidnap a princess!" Bowser suggested.

"No, I have a better idea! Let's steal a load of bananas!" K.Rool replied. Bowser stared blankly at him.

"Actually, I kinda like that idea…" mumbled an out-of-breath Dedede.

"Okay, Operation Banana Heist is a go!"

_Kick-Ass Super-Awesome Death Squad_

"Jiggly!"

"Couldn't agree more, Lieutenant Jigglypuff. Now, let's find something to kill!"

"Jiggly!"

"Now that's the spirit!" inspired by Lieutenant Jigglypuff's words of wisdom, Ninten and the generic pikmin confronted the remaining emo-based team, and attacked with all their might. Forty seconds later, the pikmin was scraping what was left of its teammates off a rock.

_Wow, only two chapters in and already seven characters dead. Anyway, what happened to Ridley?_

"Rrreeet!!!" the pikmin barely had time to look up before it was snatched up and swallowed whole by the purple king of the space pirates.

_Oh well… Anyway, RSSC!_

"You!" Sora exclaimed.

"Me." Bomberman replied.

_To Be Continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"You!" Sora exclaimed.

"Me." Bomberman replied.

"Soldiers, attack!" the two of them cried in unison. Unfortunately, as you may remember, neither of these characters have any friends, so "soldiers" basically meant two slugs, some cardboard and a stalk of corn. Geno had arrived on the scene without anyone noticing, and took the two idiots "war" as an ample distraction to blast them both to the furthest corner of hell.

_God, how many have we killed off now? Anyway, back to Team Kings' "Operation Banana Heist"_

"I told you this was a bad idea," Bowser's disembodied head grumbled. "SHADDUP!" Donkey Kong screamed and smashed Bowser's head with a hammer. "Hey, that's mine!" Dedede complained. "So what? It's not like you're going to be using it, considering we've cut your arms off." DK replied. "Batter up!" DK's young friend Diddy blasted the blue duck's torso from a cannon and his freakishly strong buddy whacked it right out of the park, crunching it against a cliff.

_Ten, eleven… thirteen dead. Anyway, Even More Emos!_

I hate life!" Ganondorf cried, slitting his wrists.

"Me too!" Eggplant Man agreed, and tried to slit his wrists but ultimately failed because, being a vegetable, produced no blood. This just made him cry harder. "Actually, I'm not really an emo…" Lucario started.

"Shut up and slit your wrists!" Ganondorf commanded, before collapsing from blood loss. Lucario was about to reluctantly comply, when a bloodied alligator crawled into view. "Oh my god, you've got to help me! There are gorillas after me with guns and urkkk…" Donkey Kong, Everyone's favorite homicidal gorilla, had just run him over with a steamroller. "Dear sweet frick! Eggplant Man, Defend me!" Lucario screamed, and ran off into the woods. "I'll stop him! It's hammer time!" and the brave vegetable ran madly at the steamroller, waving a golden hammer. He did not anticipate, however, that DK's sidekick way have had clever foresight, and hid in a tree with a sleeping rattlesnake. He threw the venomous reptile with all his strength, and struck his enemy down. The snake then bit him, injecting fast-acting poison into poor Eggplant Man. He lay there, writhing in agony for almost an hour, until DK hit the accelerate on his road-flattener and Eggplant man was no more. Wow, that was all a bit gory, even by my standards. Tune in next time for the first ever actual fight scene!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Lucario sprinted off into the woods, looking for a place to hide. He came across a clearing, and was startled by what he saw. Two of the three Links were squaring off against Meta-Knight and Paint-roller. Oracle of Seasons link was lying in the middle, not moving. "What happened?" Lucario wondered aloud. You have no time to ponder such questions, for Wind Waker Link has just grabbed a smash ball. "Where did that smash ball come from? There has been no mention of random item drops before," Fierce Deity Link inquired. Suddenly, a giant stylus appeared and started drawing lines on the screen… "Whaddaya mean _screen_? There is no screen! We are seeing this from a first-person perspective!" FD Link shouted angrily.

"Right. I've had just about enough of your interruptions," I said, and materialized within the pages of this story. I drew a pencil (no pun intended) as long as my arm and decapitated the irritating incarnation of the hero of time. Suddenly, a great banner appeared above our heroes' heads, with the words "WARNING! CHALLENGER APPROACHING!" emblazoned upon it. From the sky dropped a soldier clad entirely in green armour. The words on the banner changed, so that it now read "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE UNLOCKED MASTER CHIEF!"

"Oh, hell no! Not in my fic!" I exclaimed, and lunged at the new fighter. "Hold on! Whaddaya mean, "Not in your fic"! You're the one writing it!" FD Link's disembodied head exclaimed. "Shaddup!" I wittily replied, and threw him with all my might at the Microsoft super-soldier. The two of them exploded in a blaze of blinding glory. I then warped myself back to the plain of reality so I could finish writing this story.

Lucario, who had been watching the earlier events unfold, had a sudden thought. "Why don't I finish off the weakened warriors while I still have a chance?" Suddenly, he heard an ominous voice behind him. "No, Lucario. This is my story, and Paint-Roller is a really cool character. Don't kill him." And like that, I vanished, never to return (at least, not for another couple of chapters anyway).

_Aah, back in my chair… The only ones who aren't dead are Geno, Paint-Roller, MK, Lucario, Ridley, the Kongs and me (WW Link got eaten by a wolf). Join us next time for another exciting installment of Squenix: Battle of the Third-Parties!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

After Lucario and I had left, Paint-Roller confronted his partner. "MK, just out of curiosity, are you planning on betraying me?"

"Um… No… Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well…"

_Flashback_

"_I'm gonna betray Paint-Roller!" Meta-Knight said._

"_Cool!" Geno Replied._

_End flashback_

"Oh." Meta-Knight answered, and lunged at Paint-Roller, all guns blazing. PR dodged, and kicked the vertically challenged swordsman in the back. Then he pulled out a pocket canvas and drew a sword of his own, and the two rivals clashed, steel against steel. Paint-Roller, with his superior speed, soon gained the upper hand, when Meta-Knight pulled out his ultimate weapon, the Battleship Halberd! He leapt into the cockpit and fired an armada of lasers, but his opponent avoided them all, all the while drawing seemingly random lines over the ground. Only when Meta-Knight hovered up, however, did he realize the random lines formed a painting. A painting of a battleship, grand enough to rival his own! The fighters now clashed in the sky, until a lucky shot sent one ship tumbling down, thus crashing into the ground below. Paint-Roller had emerged victorious.

Lucario, who had gotten very lucky until this point, was standing exactly where the Halberd was about to land. At the last minute, however, he was snatched from the jaws of death by the jaws of Ridley, who then bit down hard, swallowed and died of chronic indigestion.

_Wow… I just killed three of the main characters in one sentence._

Paint-Roller then swooped away, in search of Geno; the man (well, man-doll-thing) who had ordered his death.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Diddy Kong, everyone's favorite satanic monkey, was wandering aimlessly, whistling a happy tune.

"Yum! Monkey!" Geno said to himself, and pulled Diddy's head off using telekinesis. "Diddy! My son who I love more than life itself! Where are y- oh my god!" DK had just come across Geno, who was slowly roasting Diddy in a pot. "You psychotic bastard! I mean, seriously, who eats monkey? And you don't even have a digestive system, you weirdo!" and with that, he flung a minibus-sized fist at Geno. Geno reflected his attack easily, then wrenched one of DK's arms off and hit him with it. Using his opponent's own freakish upper-body strength against him, Geno beat DK to a bloody pulp, then created a blade of pure energy and sliced his foe in half!

_I sense a disturbance in the force…_

Suddenly, an army of Master Chiefs appeared, each one 30 feet tall and as strong as 30,000

super-strong babies. Only one man could stop this armada… ME. I wrote my own name within the script of this story, and I was in. Immediately, every one of the Master Chiefs disappeared. "I've been expecting you." Came an ominous voice. And suddenly I understood. There never was an army of Master Chiefs; they were just an illusion. "Very good." Said Geno. "How could you read that?" I asked him angrily. "Because I'm more than just a fictitious character. So much more…

_To Be Concluded_


	7. Chapter 7

**The last chapter**

"You see, the only way I can break into reality is through the pages of this story," Geno continued, "And the only way I can do that… _is by killing you."_

"But why would you want to do that?" I asked, awestruck.

"So I can bomb Japan. Duh." He answered cheekily. "You see, the only chance I have of getting into Brawl is if I threaten to kill Sakurai and anyone who associates with him, because I'm a really sucky character who only ever starred in one game and has no moveset potential… Hey, shut up!" he said, breaking my keyboard with his mind. "Hang on a minute! How are you still typing this story if he broke your keyboard?" asked a certain spirit of a fierce deity.

"SILENCE!!!" I commanded, and ultimately eradicated him, banishing him from ever appearing in a fanfic ever again. Unfortunately for me, Geno took the opportunity of my distraction to blast my head off. Oh wait. No he didn't. At the last moment, Paint-Roller dropped from the sky and heroically flung himself in the path of the blast. "You bastard! He was my favorite character in this fic, apart from myself!" and with that I rushed at Geno. He grabbed me by the throat and began to suck the life out of me and I knew there was only one thing to do; I warped myself out of the fic.

"_Surprise, surprise," came an ominous voice behind me. Before I could turn around, Geno grabbed my neck with his tiny doll-hands. "You have no chance now." He continued, his grip tightening. "In the story, you at least had _some_ powers. But in the realm of reality, you're useless." And so I died. Geno bombed Japan, then took over the world. Oh wait, hang on, no he didn't. Just as he was about to finish me off, I closed the document. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAVE? the computer asked me. "No." I replied, and Geno immediately vanished. God, what a weird ending to an even weirder fic._


End file.
